Expectations

The past few weeks have been rather surreal.  I have done all of the physical preparation for this journey.  I have done a lot of the readings assigned (I’m definitely not as anal as I used to be about completing assignments!) I have made the 1,000 mile journey to Houston to see the kids and drop off the dog, who adapted quite nicely to her comfy spot in the front seat.  But somehow it is not quite real.  I don’t feel as if I am truly leaving tomorrow for four months, much less in Italy and Greece.  

It finally clicked into place why the School has put me in this position.  They have allowed no setting of expectations other than physical pictures of the locations.  No names of other students, or their addresses.  No syllabus or itinerary other than big location changes.  No list of professors with names or degrees or fields of study.  Nothing to create a single expectation.

I have just finished reading a section in the required book, Art and Illusion, a study in the psychology of pictorial representation.  The section title is Conditions of Illusion.  The number one condition for illusion is expectation.  We will see what we expect to see.  By having no expectations I cannot conjure up illusions before stepping into reality.  Pretty cagey.  Pretty uncomfortable.

This is not a mystical experience, but the Cloud of Unknowing is a pretty good title for what I have been living through.  I am most often asked, who else will be in your class?  I don’t know.  What is your typical day going to look like?  I don’t know.  What will you be studying?  I don’t know.  Where will you be touring?  I don’t know.  Are you going to be in Florence on September 9th when we will be there?  I don’t know.  There is a theme, as you can clearly see.

The only thing I do know is the experience of overseas flights and having to make my way through the Rome airport to find the train transportation, buy a ticket to Florence, and spend the night in a reserved hotel room.  So now I am starting to get nervous about that which I do know and what I know I can expect.  Will the flights be on time?  How do I make the connections?  Remember to validate your ticket or you will be fined or kicked off the train.  My expectations are kicking in full time and wrapping my head in cortisol.  There are no expectations for the rest of the 4 months, just the initial 24 hours.  That is where I am creating illusions in my mind allowing for worry and fear.  Maybe it is good thing to drop a few of our expectations and truly have to live in the moment.  That is the only way to see and experience with fresh eyes, without illusions.